On Fearlessness
All together now, it’s not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.
What kind of person goes to a conference on fearlessness?
You’dathunk a lot of needy folk, the odd agraphobic (if it was home study), wimps anonymous …
As you now know I wasn’t my parents’ firstborn, but I was their first surviving child, and according to Adler and his successors, my place in the birth order ensured I’d be serious, conscientious, directive, goal-oriented, aggressive, rule-conscious, exacting, conservative, organized, responsible, jealous, fearful, high achieving, competitive, high in self-esteem, and anxious.
I often describe myself as a being a Buddhist before I knew what Buddhism meant. For one thing, despite being raised a staunch Catholic, I had a stauncher irreverence for both fear and guilt (the first of which depends on what’s ahead, the latter on what’s behind, and if you live in the moment, neither is appropriate).
And so I find myself in a room with nary a scaredy-cat in sight, and a platform that included the decidedly un-wussy Al Gore, Jane Goodall, Arianna Huffington and Nora Ephron.
I did a pre-conference one day intensive (not for the faint of heart, an intensive), studying the work of Teresa of Avila with Caroline Myss. Myss (pronounced Mace) famously became medically clairvoyant overnight, and was for many years a self-proclaimed medical intuitive, writing prolifically, appearing on Oprah, da woiks. If you haven’t read any of her work, Sacred Contracts is the book to start with. Her specialist subject is archetypes, and this book’s a great introduction to her take. She confessed to us that when she wrote this book she understood the Contracts, but not the Sacred part (despite being educated by nunsies and being a practising Catholic all her life). She’s a scholar and approached all she did fairly academically until recently when she experienced a visitation from Teresa. (No really, it’s a great story, true or not, and she tells it well). I find Myss an incredible teacher, wise, intuitive, bold, pioneering. Always note-less, spontaneous, and on this occasion a little more connected than I’ve seen her before. I’ve learned loads on the several occasions I’ve been with her and from reading some of her work, but I find her just as incredibly frustrating to listen to. Though now re-inventing herself as a mystic (her definition: one who experiences God rather than just knows God), she strikes me as a bully, typically a coward in drag, though in this case I don’t think that’s the provenance. She seems to lack compassion, takes cheap shots at those brave enough to question her or themselves. So the challenge is always to separate my dislike of her style from my interest in her work. The latest book is Entering the Castle, which I’ve embarked on. Built around Teresa’s own work on the Interior Castle as a metaphor for achieving spiritual perfection, I’ll let you know what I think when I’m done (reading it that is, not achieving spiritual perfection.)
Dame Jane Goodall is a UN Ambassador of Peace as well as founder of the Jane Goodall Institute, and she cherished the 45 minutes she spent with us. Her love for animals led her to study chimps and become the primatologist who redefined the relationship between humans and animals. As well as continuing to protect her beloved chimps and their habitats she now spends around 300 days a year travelling, speaking about her hope that humankind will solve the problems it’s imposed on the earth. I could have had earplugs in, because it was like being in the presence of a living saint. Again I’m confronted with the realisation that the people who have a message that’s bigger than they have no need for technique. Jane’s a perfect example as are the many who follow her over the weekend. All effortless grace and authenticity, unencumbered by the distraction of Ego.
Dame Jane and Al Gore were both introduced in the most original fashion I’ve ever seen, by Bobby McFerrin, who most of us know as the guy who wrote and performed the annoyingly upbeat ‘Don’t worry, be Happy.’ He is, however, a natural wonder of the music world, 10 Grammy Award winner and one of the world’s best known vocal innovators and improvisers. I can’t begin to describe his contribution, but it was kind of like watching a high wire act of angels playing speed chess. Awe-some.
Al had asked that the press leave for his talk so that he could speak off the record. His subject was the difference between legitimate fears and illusory fears. Addressing the location of fear in our brains (the amygdala) and the location of reason (the neo-cortex) he explained that fear to reason travels quick and hard, whereas traffic in the other direction is somewhat more fragile. (Just about with you up to here Al.) From there we went to the anterior singular part of the brain, where neurons react to pain when prodded. What’s apparently been proven is that the neurons also react when someone else’s brain is prodded, suggesting that we really are hardwired for empathy. Al for president. Seriously, in a country obsessed with determining the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, a modicum of intelligence would not go amiss in Pennsylvania Avenue. And who knew he was so funny?
I did a workshop next day with Debbie Ford, who looks more like a regular on Days of our Lives or Desperate Housewives than a teacher. Tres Hollywood, writer of a lovely little book on Shadow that I read a few years ago (The Dark Side of the Light Chasers). The more funny, smart, articulate people I see, the less impressed I am with myself. It’s a dangerous line we tread between what’s true and what’s schmaltz, and Debbie treads it well in person, but a look at her website (www.debbieford.com) and you’ll see the line crossed. And double crossed.
Arianna Huffington is famous for a bunch of things, most recently as founder of the Huffington Post (www.Huffingtonpost.com). She was President of the Cambridge Union when she studied there, and pursued then lived with Bernard Levin, leaving him when he refused to marry her and give her children. She chose to move to the States and married millionaire Michael Huffington who won a seat as a Republican in the House of Representatives and narrowly lost a run for the US Senate. She divorced him in ’97 and he came out of the closet the following year.
She kept his name, their children, and a significant portion of his dough, and as he shifted sides sexually, she did so politically, going on to become a celebrity democrat and even being nominated for an Emmy for comedy writing with Al Franken and Bill Maher.
The latest of her fourteen books is titled ‘On Being Fearless’. Only a few days before she talked to us she’d fainted in her study, and showed up with a fractured cheekbone and six stitches in her eye. She gave an hysterical, smart, uncompromising account of her journey through fear and her repeated mastery of it, My favourite line? “If you’re a man, to be called ruthless you have to be John McCarthy. If you’re a woman you just need to put someone on hold.” Her message? The more we can be ourselves, as individuals, as citizens, as leaders, the better our chances. That the litmus test for the 2008 election will be if one of the candidates speak a clear, unequivocal sentence about who they are and what they believe in. If last week’s debate by the democratic presidential hopefuls is anything to go by, too much to ask.
To Sunday, when Samdhong Rinpoche, Prime Minister of the Tibetan Government in Exile talked about compassion as the source of Fearlessness. To say so little and so much is a real gift, and one I’m personally bent on understanding. I say too much too quick and it belittles the little I have to offer. I’m working on it. I go from there to a meditation on death (mine) with Elizabeth Lesser. (A busy ol’ day and it’s only lunchtime).
Undoubtedly the highlight of the day is a teaching with Yasuhiko Genku Kimura, a Zen Buddhist priest and integral philosopher (no Ken Wilbur leanings or associations I promise). This guy’s the real deal, and his workshop was on Osore, (oh-soar-ay), the word for Fear in Japanese, literally defined as O (soul of the universe, centre of your being) and ‘sore’ (to deviate or misalign), so that chronic fear is a chronic misalignment with our centre, when we objectify ourselves through Ego and falsely predicate our identity into this role. I’ve already booked an intensive weekend with Yasuhiko in October - he’s quite brilliant and teaches like a fast flowing river.
Nora Ephron should be required hearing for women everywhere. NY Times best selling author of Silkwood and Heartburn, writer of When Harry Met Sally, writer and director of Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail. Like me, she’s the oldest of four sisters. I put down my moleskine and gave my full attention to laughter. She’s in her sixties, married happily third time around (all three husbands writers, the second and father of her children Watergate journalist Carl Bernstein, the current, Nicholas Pileggi, writer of Goodfellas). Did I say hilarious? I can’t remember much, but she told us how the orgasm scene in Harry Met Sally came (ahem) about. She, director Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were talking about the scene on a conference call. The scene was written as a phone conversation between Harry and Sally, where she explains to him that women occasionally fake orgasms, and he assures her they don’t when they’re with him. As the four discussed the scene, Meg Ryan said “I think it would be funnier if she acted out the orgasm.” When Nora agreed, Meg added “and I think it should happen in a diner rather than over the phone.” At which point Billy Crystal said “and a woman at another table could say ‘I’ll have what she’s having’”, and Nora said to Rob Reiner “and she could be played by your mother” …. and that, of course, is exactly what happened.
If you find yourself in New York and want the city’s finest pastrami on rye, look for the table in Katz Deli with the plaque that reads “Congratulations – you’re sitting where Harry met Sally.” On the corner of East Houston and Ludlow.
For sure an over-simplification, but I left the weekend feeling affirmed that the answer to everything is to be yourself. Maybe not such a simplifcation if you recall that ‘Know Thyself’ is the invocation above the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the secret that Socrates taught to Plato, and Plato taught to Aristotle, and Shakespeare adopted as his own, the advice in the Tao Te Ching that we can only know others by knowing ourselves. Letting your soul out of the bag seems to be the constant, whether the bag’s hemp or Chanel.
That everything is manageable when you are who you are, and that little is when you’re not. That usually the Self is in the background and the Ego in the foreground, when what we’re trying to achieve is Self as foreground, Ego as background.
Growing up as one of four sisters, one of our favourite films was, rather predictably, Little Women, and its writer Louisa May Alcott was herself one of four gals, who’s own take on fear was all any of us can aspire to:
“I’m not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
What kind of person goes to a conference on fearlessness?
You’dathunk a lot of needy folk, the odd agraphobic (if it was home study), wimps anonymous …
As you now know I wasn’t my parents’ firstborn, but I was their first surviving child, and according to Adler and his successors, my place in the birth order ensured I’d be serious, conscientious, directive, goal-oriented, aggressive, rule-conscious, exacting, conservative, organized, responsible, jealous, fearful, high achieving, competitive, high in self-esteem, and anxious.
I often describe myself as a being a Buddhist before I knew what Buddhism meant. For one thing, despite being raised a staunch Catholic, I had a stauncher irreverence for both fear and guilt (the first of which depends on what’s ahead, the latter on what’s behind, and if you live in the moment, neither is appropriate).
And so I find myself in a room with nary a scaredy-cat in sight, and a platform that included the decidedly un-wussy Al Gore, Jane Goodall, Arianna Huffington and Nora Ephron.
I did a pre-conference one day intensive (not for the faint of heart, an intensive), studying the work of Teresa of Avila with Caroline Myss. Myss (pronounced Mace) famously became medically clairvoyant overnight, and was for many years a self-proclaimed medical intuitive, writing prolifically, appearing on Oprah, da woiks. If you haven’t read any of her work, Sacred Contracts is the book to start with. Her specialist subject is archetypes, and this book’s a great introduction to her take. She confessed to us that when she wrote this book she understood the Contracts, but not the Sacred part (despite being educated by nunsies and being a practising Catholic all her life). She’s a scholar and approached all she did fairly academically until recently when she experienced a visitation from Teresa. (No really, it’s a great story, true or not, and she tells it well). I find Myss an incredible teacher, wise, intuitive, bold, pioneering. Always note-less, spontaneous, and on this occasion a little more connected than I’ve seen her before. I’ve learned loads on the several occasions I’ve been with her and from reading some of her work, but I find her just as incredibly frustrating to listen to. Though now re-inventing herself as a mystic (her definition: one who experiences God rather than just knows God), she strikes me as a bully, typically a coward in drag, though in this case I don’t think that’s the provenance. She seems to lack compassion, takes cheap shots at those brave enough to question her or themselves. So the challenge is always to separate my dislike of her style from my interest in her work. The latest book is Entering the Castle, which I’ve embarked on. Built around Teresa’s own work on the Interior Castle as a metaphor for achieving spiritual perfection, I’ll let you know what I think when I’m done (reading it that is, not achieving spiritual perfection.)
Dame Jane Goodall is a UN Ambassador of Peace as well as founder of the Jane Goodall Institute, and she cherished the 45 minutes she spent with us. Her love for animals led her to study chimps and become the primatologist who redefined the relationship between humans and animals. As well as continuing to protect her beloved chimps and their habitats she now spends around 300 days a year travelling, speaking about her hope that humankind will solve the problems it’s imposed on the earth. I could have had earplugs in, because it was like being in the presence of a living saint. Again I’m confronted with the realisation that the people who have a message that’s bigger than they have no need for technique. Jane’s a perfect example as are the many who follow her over the weekend. All effortless grace and authenticity, unencumbered by the distraction of Ego.
Dame Jane and Al Gore were both introduced in the most original fashion I’ve ever seen, by Bobby McFerrin, who most of us know as the guy who wrote and performed the annoyingly upbeat ‘Don’t worry, be Happy.’ He is, however, a natural wonder of the music world, 10 Grammy Award winner and one of the world’s best known vocal innovators and improvisers. I can’t begin to describe his contribution, but it was kind of like watching a high wire act of angels playing speed chess. Awe-some.
Al had asked that the press leave for his talk so that he could speak off the record. His subject was the difference between legitimate fears and illusory fears. Addressing the location of fear in our brains (the amygdala) and the location of reason (the neo-cortex) he explained that fear to reason travels quick and hard, whereas traffic in the other direction is somewhat more fragile. (Just about with you up to here Al.) From there we went to the anterior singular part of the brain, where neurons react to pain when prodded. What’s apparently been proven is that the neurons also react when someone else’s brain is prodded, suggesting that we really are hardwired for empathy. Al for president. Seriously, in a country obsessed with determining the paternity of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby, a modicum of intelligence would not go amiss in Pennsylvania Avenue. And who knew he was so funny?
I did a workshop next day with Debbie Ford, who looks more like a regular on Days of our Lives or Desperate Housewives than a teacher. Tres Hollywood, writer of a lovely little book on Shadow that I read a few years ago (The Dark Side of the Light Chasers). The more funny, smart, articulate people I see, the less impressed I am with myself. It’s a dangerous line we tread between what’s true and what’s schmaltz, and Debbie treads it well in person, but a look at her website (www.debbieford.com) and you’ll see the line crossed. And double crossed.
Arianna Huffington is famous for a bunch of things, most recently as founder of the Huffington Post (www.Huffingtonpost.com). She was President of the Cambridge Union when she studied there, and pursued then lived with Bernard Levin, leaving him when he refused to marry her and give her children. She chose to move to the States and married millionaire Michael Huffington who won a seat as a Republican in the House of Representatives and narrowly lost a run for the US Senate. She divorced him in ’97 and he came out of the closet the following year.
She kept his name, their children, and a significant portion of his dough, and as he shifted sides sexually, she did so politically, going on to become a celebrity democrat and even being nominated for an Emmy for comedy writing with Al Franken and Bill Maher.
The latest of her fourteen books is titled ‘On Being Fearless’. Only a few days before she talked to us she’d fainted in her study, and showed up with a fractured cheekbone and six stitches in her eye. She gave an hysterical, smart, uncompromising account of her journey through fear and her repeated mastery of it, My favourite line? “If you’re a man, to be called ruthless you have to be John McCarthy. If you’re a woman you just need to put someone on hold.” Her message? The more we can be ourselves, as individuals, as citizens, as leaders, the better our chances. That the litmus test for the 2008 election will be if one of the candidates speak a clear, unequivocal sentence about who they are and what they believe in. If last week’s debate by the democratic presidential hopefuls is anything to go by, too much to ask.
To Sunday, when Samdhong Rinpoche, Prime Minister of the Tibetan Government in Exile talked about compassion as the source of Fearlessness. To say so little and so much is a real gift, and one I’m personally bent on understanding. I say too much too quick and it belittles the little I have to offer. I’m working on it. I go from there to a meditation on death (mine) with Elizabeth Lesser. (A busy ol’ day and it’s only lunchtime).
Undoubtedly the highlight of the day is a teaching with Yasuhiko Genku Kimura, a Zen Buddhist priest and integral philosopher (no Ken Wilbur leanings or associations I promise). This guy’s the real deal, and his workshop was on Osore, (oh-soar-ay), the word for Fear in Japanese, literally defined as O (soul of the universe, centre of your being) and ‘sore’ (to deviate or misalign), so that chronic fear is a chronic misalignment with our centre, when we objectify ourselves through Ego and falsely predicate our identity into this role. I’ve already booked an intensive weekend with Yasuhiko in October - he’s quite brilliant and teaches like a fast flowing river.
Nora Ephron should be required hearing for women everywhere. NY Times best selling author of Silkwood and Heartburn, writer of When Harry Met Sally, writer and director of Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail. Like me, she’s the oldest of four sisters. I put down my moleskine and gave my full attention to laughter. She’s in her sixties, married happily third time around (all three husbands writers, the second and father of her children Watergate journalist Carl Bernstein, the current, Nicholas Pileggi, writer of Goodfellas). Did I say hilarious? I can’t remember much, but she told us how the orgasm scene in Harry Met Sally came (ahem) about. She, director Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were talking about the scene on a conference call. The scene was written as a phone conversation between Harry and Sally, where she explains to him that women occasionally fake orgasms, and he assures her they don’t when they’re with him. As the four discussed the scene, Meg Ryan said “I think it would be funnier if she acted out the orgasm.” When Nora agreed, Meg added “and I think it should happen in a diner rather than over the phone.” At which point Billy Crystal said “and a woman at another table could say ‘I’ll have what she’s having’”, and Nora said to Rob Reiner “and she could be played by your mother” …. and that, of course, is exactly what happened.
If you find yourself in New York and want the city’s finest pastrami on rye, look for the table in Katz Deli with the plaque that reads “Congratulations – you’re sitting where Harry met Sally.” On the corner of East Houston and Ludlow.
For sure an over-simplification, but I left the weekend feeling affirmed that the answer to everything is to be yourself. Maybe not such a simplifcation if you recall that ‘Know Thyself’ is the invocation above the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, the secret that Socrates taught to Plato, and Plato taught to Aristotle, and Shakespeare adopted as his own, the advice in the Tao Te Ching that we can only know others by knowing ourselves. Letting your soul out of the bag seems to be the constant, whether the bag’s hemp or Chanel.
That everything is manageable when you are who you are, and that little is when you’re not. That usually the Self is in the background and the Ego in the foreground, when what we’re trying to achieve is Self as foreground, Ego as background.
Growing up as one of four sisters, one of our favourite films was, rather predictably, Little Women, and its writer Louisa May Alcott was herself one of four gals, who’s own take on fear was all any of us can aspire to:
“I’m not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
posted by Caroline at 5:54 AM
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